Created for a Reason

I was born a perfectly normal, happy baby. I was my parents' second child. My parents were exceedingly proud of me, and was looking forward to see me grow up as godly child who fears Lord the God with my whole heart, mind, soul, and strength. My parents were blessed with a safe delivery and a healthy baby, because my sister, who happens to be four years older than me, had complications during her birth and ensuing illness that required a prolonged stay in the hospital following delivery. In the simplest sense, I was a healthy boy with a bright future.

Fast forward ten months later.

I was admitted in the hospital after my parents noticed a gray pallor on my face. They were greatly concerned with what I might have, not to mention what was happening to me. After an examination by my doctors, they approached my parents and said sternly:

"Your child has pneumococcal meningitis, and there is only 50-50 chance of him living through this disease. There is also a chance that your child will be permanently retarted and impaired for the remainder of his life, if he manages to live."

My parents' entire lives was changed by this news. Their worlds were turned upside-down. Just when they thought they would have a normal child, they had a child that was gravely ill. There was another infant in the hospital I was admitted to with this illness at around the same time, and she tragically passed away. I do not know exactly what went through my parents' minds, but every time they retold me this experience, it brings them a fresh stream of tears. I was lying in a plastic box in the hospital ward, moaning and groaning from the swelling in my brain caused by a spinal cord fluid buildup, all while my parents helplessly watched, forbidden to touch me. If the pressure in my skull were not relieved soon, hearts shattered in miniscule pieces and unimaginable, indescribable sorrow, in addition to a simple gravestone of an infant who has skimmed life, would be the remnant of an once-healthy infant.

Two weeks later, amidst my doctors' dire predictions of my survival, I was miraculously healed and could go back home. However, if my parents thought that the news about me obtaining this illness was the worst they ever received, my parents' hearts leapt in joy when they received this news that may seem paradoxical in nature:

"Your son is deaf."

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I have struggled with understanding why I became deaf when God created me first and foremost as an hearing person. Did he make a mistake in His design (I know this is not true because He's infinitely perfect), or did He do this to reveal or teach my parents something? I also wrestled with the notion that God seemed cruel to inflict this terrible illness upon me and endangered my life. Why would a good God do this to me? Why would He put my parents through this experience? Although the answers are beyond the scope of this discussion, if they can ever be answered, I can confidently say this before you with God as my witness: God allowed everything to happen for a reason. Yes, He is sovereign, but that doesn't mean that He controls EVERY single event in the world. He allowed me to contract this disease that made me deaf for a reason. He allowed my parents to endure the heartache of watching helplessly as their infant suffered for a reason. He determined that it was necessary for me to live for a reason.

If it was not for my "disability" (where it is oftentimes a blessing), I would not have met many wonderful people in my lives, begin my Christian journey when I was fifteen years old, traveled to many places across the United States with my school and DTQuest (www.dtquest.org), and be in a wonderful church family at Frederick Church of the Brethren Deaf Fellowship. Moreover, I do not know if I would even know Christ as my personal savior today! If I did not know Christ, I would not have met many wonderful people involved in the WaveSTAFF program (in retrospect, it is a Christian leadership training program for young adults in their twenties). I've been challenged, encouraged, and strengthened by their unconditional love toward me.

To list everything would be exhaustive. My point is this: just when I thought I have enough, Jehovah Jireh (God our Provider) pours out ten thousand times the amount of blessings in my life, literally drowning me! I cannot even begin to repay Him because if I tried to, I would fail miserably. The only sensible thing I could do is to accept it.

Although I may be disabled in the world's eyes, I am fearfully and wonderfully made in His image. God knew that I would be deaf. He knew that I would be born on a particular date, even down to the milliseconds, if not nanoseconds! He was gently watching over my parents during my birth, comforting and reassuring them during my illness, and continues to be faithful to us today. Nothing happens beyond His control. Everything happens for a reason. What may seem to be a terrible (and tragic) thing has turned out to be a life filled with many opportunities that continues to bewilder me.

Recently, I have caught myself grinning to myself when I watch children playing. It reminds me of how God created everything in the world the way it is. He created everything to glorify Him. He created everything because of His uncontainable Love. He created everything because He wants us to be in awe with wonder and amazement. That is why I praise Him continually for everything, even for my deafness. He knows everything that I will do in my life, down to my deepest, most intimate desires of my life.

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This is one of my favorite verses/sections in the Bible, and it fits perfectly with what I have discussed above. I was moved by this passage found in Psalms 139, and it served as my source of inspiration for my testimony above. Moreover, I love this translation because it has a poetic quality to it (probably because I'm a fool for poems).

Lord, you have searched me and known me. You know my sitting down and rising up; you understand my thought afar off. You comprehend my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word on my tongue, but behold, O Lord, you know it altogether. You have hedged me behind and before, and laid Your hands upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain it.

Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into heaven,  You are there; if I make my bed in hell, behold, you are there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there Your hand shall lead me, and Your right hand shall hold me. If I say, "Surely the darkness shall fall on me," even the night shall be light about me; indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You, but the night shines as the day; the darkness and the light are both alike to You.

For you formed my inward parts; you covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well. My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them.

How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand; when I awake, I am still with you.

~Psalms 139:1-18 (NKJV)