Anguished soul

As the reality of world settled in, I'm sitting here right now in anguish to see people who I grew up with and love starting to embrace worldly things. Last I checked, many of people I knew went to wild parties (picture house-party style), drink alcohol, having sex, abandon their parents' wisdom, disrespect people and living out a Carpe Diem lifestyle. One of my closest friends started to curse her parents, speak in a language that she did not spoke for long time and decided to become more like others. As I watched my friends scatter across America (and overseas) this past summer through their online journals, I began to ponder about what would happen to them. Will they continue that type of lifestyle until they realize that they wasted their lives? Will they come to realization that the life they are living out is just an illusion? As I led my conscience through the questions, one question remains unanswered: do they know Jesus?

My face dissolved into tears as my soul aches to go to them, tell them to change their lives and introduce them to Jesus. I wanted them to experience the true fruits of life. It might seem like the life they are experiencing couldn't get any better, but they are misled. That made me feel guilty. I had ample opportunities to tell them about the love of Christ and even attempted to show them through my actions, but I'm not sure if I showed them. I prayed earnestly that I would be able to save somebody's soul... but I felt like I did not. Yes, people would say that somebody might remember me in the future about my faith in Christ, but I wonder... will there be anybody who will really remember me?

That is why I have resolved myself with the fullest determination that I would get into a ministry that will allow me to evangelize to other people who do not know Jesus. I want to be the light on the top of the hill that banishes all darkness away. I want to forcefully expand His kingdom into the farthest reach of the world so that His light shall shine in the dark corners. There are so many "I want" right now, but I won't do any of those until I sense that God is telling me to begin my missionary. There are so many people out there just like my "friends" who are lost and searching for some kind of satisfaction in a totally wrong place.

Brother and Sisters in Christ who are reading this... please pray for me. This is not easy for me to bear through all of that, but please pray that I will just increase my determination to evangelize to the whole world about the love and mercy that Jesus Christ our Lord has for the world. I pray that I won't face God as he asks me, "You send one of my child into hell because you decided to not to tell them about me just because you wanted to keep your social status."